Love Love Love

I found a picture tonight of the triplets – one of the ones that I used to promote Neema House before I came here. It’s an old photo – perhaps taken when they were about 8 or so months old. It made me sad and happy all at once. I remember looking at the photo and wondering which triplet was which. It seems so long ago now.

Was there ever a time I didn’t know these babies? Was there ever a time I didn’t love them? Was there ever a day I didn’t hug them and kiss them, laugh with them when they laughed, cuddle them when they cried? Did I ever know what it was like to have a baby trust you, to lay their head on your shoulder and go to sleep? Did I ever know how sweet they are when they're just waking up, or how cute they are when they've just gotten out of the bath and are all wet and squirmy? Was there a time when I didn’t know how to change a nappy or make a bottle or sing a baby to sleep?

I don’t know. I suppose there was a time. I suppose I only came here 10 weeks ago. I suppose I had a life before this, but most days I don’t remember it. I don’t know who I was before I came here and I don’t know who I am now. What I do know is that I love these babies. I love this work and this life and this country and these people.

I know that the baby with the big eyes is Anna, the one with the pixie face is Deborah and the chunky one in pink is Esther. I know that Deborah sticks her tongue out when she smiles; that she’s cheeky and mischievous; that she steals pacifiers that don’t belong to her; that she loves the “Where’s Deborah?” game; that she’s clingy, and that she has the most adorable giggle. I know that Anna likes to sit facing me on my knee, her little legs around my waist, head against my chest; that she doesn’t like egg, but does like peanut butter sandwiches; that her hair is long enough to put in a tiny braid on top of her head and that she has four teeth on the bottom and three on the top. I know that Esther is the most serious of the three, but that when she smiles she tips her head back and closes her eyes; that she’s the most patient; that she cries the least; that she likes to come up behind me and lean her head on my shoulder when I’m sitting on the mat; that right now she badly needs a haircut, and that her trust has to be earned, but once you have it, she’s yours forever.

I know their cries and their laughs, the way they smell and the things they like – who likes to sleep on their tummy and who prefers to sleep on their back, who likes to have a pacifier and who prefers to suck their fingers.

I don’t know anything anymore. All I know is that I love these babies. I love these three and all the others with everything I have and everything I am. I think I’m beginning to get a glimpse of the all-consuming love God has for me.

xoxo,

-Hannah